Every Tuesday, TBR likes to spotlight an individual or group whose blatant hypocrisy in the face of facts warrants recognition. The winner receives the TBR “Hyppie” award for hypocrisy.

One thing is for certain:  in January of 2009 when the Bush Administration leaves office (we hope, anyway), one of the most memorable positions filled by this gang in their 8-year reign of fear-mongering and disinformation is that of the White House Press Secretary.

The first real Press Secretary that I remember seeing is James Brady.  I remember him not so much for the work he did for Reagan, but for being a gun-control advocate after getting almost fatally shot, taking a bullet that was intended for the Great Communicator himself.  Since then, we've had the collective luxury of witnessing without notice people like: Lyn Nofziger (ceremonially); Marlin Fitzwater; Dee Dee Myers; Mike McCurry (who I've met once); Joe Lockheart; and Jake Siewart.  Unless you're a total political junkie (nerd alert!), the odds are that most of these people garner only a flicker of recognition, and largely with good cause.

You see, the job of the White House Press Secretary is to serve as the spokesperson for whatever administration they represent.  As such, part of their job is to face a Press Corps that often wants to gain better insight to the daily operations and motivations that help to shape our national policy.  Press Secretaries (by and large) operate to fill newspaper space and television airtime by saying as little as humanly possible that can be deemed newsworthy.  The Press Secretaries for Reagan, Bush Sr., and Clinton all did a fine job, but none of them compares to the crack team of ignorami that have served under our current President.

George W.'s first Press Secretary was Ari Fleischer.  This guy was good - really good.  He introduced the term "homocide bombing" to describe what were in effect suicide bombings that were going on in the Middle East, particularly Iraq.  When I first heard this term, I noticed that while other administrations used their Press Secretaries to help make their bosses look good, the Bush Administration planned on utilizing this position to frame the dialogue altogether.  Unfortunately for him, his involvement in the Valerie Plame affair necessitated that he had to resign before he became a major target in that investigation.

Not to worry though, Fleischer was replaced in 2003 by Scott McLellan.  I admit that this guy did a much better job at muddying the waters throughout his tenure, but it was pretty clear from the outset that Scotty was in way over his head.  Sure, he had the unenviable task of having to explain the scandal/fiasco/criminal investigation of the day to a Press Corps that had finally collected enough vertebrae to assemble at least a partial backbone, but I think that just about anyone over at FOX News could have been a more effective spokesperson than the stammering, sweaty McClellan.

Luckily for us all, the White House shared this judgment by hiring FOX News personality Tony Snow to replace McClellan.  Tony was feisty, sarcastic, filled with arrogance, and had a great knack for lying - all things that the White House adored.  For a while, business went along pretty smoothly - the Bush Administration continued to defy the law and Constitution on a daily basis, and Snow distracted the Press Corps by jangling his shiny keys in front of them - a game that worked surprisingly well. 

Just when things seemed like they were going really well, Tony Snow developed colon cancer, and had to go.  While the mystery was solved as to how Tony could consistently be "more of an asshole" than his predecessors, his therapy would not allow him to keep up the hectic pace of lying 24 hours a day.  Since a machine has yet to be invented that allows a fellow to tell lies in his sleep (although I hear Bill Kristol is getting close to unveiling one), the Bush Administration had to call up a rookie from the minors and hope for the best. 

Enter Dana Perino - the current liar for the Bush Administration.  I'll give the White House credit - they could have picked someone in the Tony Snow mold to replace their all-star mouthpiece, but in their unquestioned wisdom they chose to hire someone so out of their depth that they made Scott McClellan look downright competent.

Miss Perino's job performance to date has been amusing, to be polite.  In many ways, she is perfect for her job.  Unlike most of her predecessors, she seemingly knows nothing about what is going on in the White House.  In her press conferences, she has generally elevated stammering and looking uncomfortable to a form of art so high that it should occupy its own "awkward" wing at the Guggenheim.  While former Press Secretaries generally tried to deflect direct questions in a way that nothing newsworthy is offered, Perino simply seems not to know anything about, well, anything.

There's no way an Ari Fleischer or a Tony Snow could have gotten away with using this tactic.  Both of these guys came across as knowledgeable and well spoken, and the lies they told seemed so natural that press briefings seemed more like a game of verbal chicken than anything else.  Today, press briefings are essentially sad affairs where the mean, heartless liberal press mercilessly peppers a sympathetic Miss Perino until you almost feel sorry for her - almost.

But it's not possible that she's really as ignorant as she comes across, is she?  I mean, there are times where I feel like I have a better read of what's going on in the White House than she does, and she works there.  Surely her failure to grasp the concept of even the simplest of questions is something of an act, right?

Maybe, but I'm not totally convinced.  Her attempts to look intelligent remind me of Sylvester Stallone in the 1990s - awkwardly promoting a desperate outward appearance of sophistication, while simultaneously failing to appear in anything more dramatic than Judge Dredd II: The Legend of Curly's Gold.

Just last week, Perino showed her true colors by stating on NPR that - get this - she had no idea what the Cuban Missile Crisis was.  She admitted on the air that the subject of the Cuban Missile Crisis was brought up by a reporter as a point of reference during one of her press briefings to compare it with our current foreign policy.  Here's a transcript:

"I was panicked a bit because I really don't know about . . . the Cuban Missile Crisis. . . It had to do with Cuba and missiles, I'm pretty sure.  I came home and I asked my husband.  I said, 'Wasn't that like the Bay of Pigs thing?' And he said, 'Oh, Dana.' "

Oh Dana, indeed!

It seems like, after three tries, the White House has finally found its perfect Press Secretary.  After all, you can't lie or even create anything newsworthy if you don't know anything.  After all, how can a person expect to weigh our current fears of nuclear annihilation against any historical context if they don't even know a context exists? 

This strategy has been working like gangbusters for the Bush Administration ever since Dana Perino has been at the helm.  My guess is that if Miss Perino has to leave prior to January 2008, the Bush Administration will hire a carrot to replace her.  After all, the carrot can never be caught in a lie, can never be subpoenaed, and is incapable of giving any newsworthy items to the press.  Also, the carrot can't ever be accused of keeping information from anyone.  In other words, it can be just like Dana Perino, only cheaper and less embarrassing.